


can't keep living for the damage

by brandywine421



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-02 10:26:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18809305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: Matt is Natasha's secret.  Maybe that's okay.(ETA summaries are helpful.  My bad.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this prompt on the daredevil kinkmeme - I'm going to say 'inspired by' since I didn't hit all/any of the buttons. 
> 
>  
> 
> _Ok, so I ship Nat/Matt HARD, and I am noticing an unfortunate lack of fics. So, what if (not completely canon compliant), Nat is like, all mystery and poised perfection, and then suddenly she just starts disappearing. Not for very long, and she's always done this, so it's not crazy out of the ordinary, whatever, life goes on. But it gets more and more frequent. Until one day she just says she busy or something ( I don't know, go wild), and then the team gets really suspicious and start investigating. They somehow find out, and Nat is forced to explain about her and Daredevil's relationship. No smut is preferred._

_Go easy on me baby_  
_Can you understand it_  
_I can't keep living for the damage_  
  
  


 

 

Secrets were a part of life, her life anyway. They always would be.

Sure, she can listen to Tony and Clint talk about how honesty got them married, or saved their marriage, one of three - but they're just men. Squishy born in a hospital to a mother and a soft blanket, not like her.

Honesty had never gotten Natasha anything that a well-told lie couldn't. Honesty had never protected anything she loved. But maybe - maybe she'd been going about it the wrong way.

Maybe. It wasn't just about her. Maybe she didn't want her life to just be about her.

She built a life out of secrets and lies. But maybe. That could be okay.

 

* * *

 

Matt knows she's a liar but he doesn't seem to mind. She's not going to say the cliched thing about dating a blind guy, that he's not interested in her body - he's very interested in her body - but she decides after the third date without sex that she's not going to say anything about him at all.

He knows she's a liar and he doesn't care.

He's a secret she wants to keep. He's a lie she doesn't have to guilt over.

He has soft lips and rough hands and he lets her read the map of marks on his body without ever promising to tell her the stories behind the scar tissue. She lets him taste the map of sins on her skin without ever promising to tell him an honest word.

She takes a shelf in the bathroom. She is given a dedicated mustard-stained shirt for barefoot overnight trips to the fridge. She gets a copy of his key on a snowy condom and coffee run to the 24 hour Walgreens.

She stops telling him lies and he stops asking if she's coming over.

Maybe.  This is how it's supposed to work.  

 

* * *

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

  
When the first bombs go off and the Avengers mobilize like the oiled machine the past few years have unfortunately trained them into - it seems like a regular Tuesday afternoon.

Matt brought her bagels in bed this morning and she rewarded him with a love bite low on his back to remind him all day that he didn't deserve her.

She won't wear his ring and he knows better than to expect it. She likes having someone to go home to - but - bombs in the city and what turns out to be an army of automatons wearing her team's faces.

Wearing her faces.

Rows of military defined soldiers - life model decoys with the source code of their originals - superserum, Hulk-juice, nanotechnology - what the fuck are they dealing with?

The city-wide emergency becomes a worldwide threat when Iron Man # 8 blasts a gas line and takes OG Tony Stark down - and the rest of them jump into the crater without a chance to admit they're falling.

Clint catches her attention, dragging her from underneath a beam of something she doesn't feel like moving herself. "Shit shit - what are we going to do? Tony's the only one with the tech to pick out the fakers and SHIELD's already putting out the 'capture on sight' order."

Shit. They need to get back in the fight but Tony's making sounds and Steve's got that 'oh shit' look on his face and shit - she knows this is worse than bad.

"Where's Bruce?" Tony asks after a long moment.

She takes a deep breath that she regrets after she chokes on the dust. She wipes the screen of her phone on Clint's pants and dials a number without a name.

He answers on the third ring, but it's his Daredevil phone so she can't judge him for it. "I know I promised but - "

_"The neighbors have been blaring the news all morning. Tell me."_

She bites down when another blast echoes above them. "Hey."

_"Hey yourself. I'll come get you, just tell me where."_

She can do that.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

"So where's this backup you called?" Clint asks, checking his bow for the sixth time since he asked the last time.

"He'll be here," she says. Honesty, huh. She can feel him watching her. "It's private."

"Private, sure. Like we don't know that you have a boyfriend, we're not blind," Tony mutters, strained from his busted arm.

Ha.

"Be nice," Steve scolds.

There are a few grunts that break through the chaos above and like the fucking hunter of the night he plays in Hell's Kitchen - Matt drops into the hole on steady kitten feet with a cute grin on his exposed mouth.

"What took you so long?" she asks, daring to take his roped-up hand just to get a touch.

"It's a mess up there. Who's bleeding?" he asks with a flare of nostrils. She turns slowly to glare Clint into silence as Daredevil scrambles over to Steve and Tony.

"It's not a break but he's cut pretty bad - " Steve hesitates.

Matt _tsks_ and she wonders if she should have worried more about Stark than the exit plan. "What's wrong with your blood?" Daredevil asks after a beat. "Stark. Is it contagious?"

"Nanobots, ignore it," Natasha says before Tony tries to answer. "How did you get here?"

"I was in the middle of something else - a friend's got beef with these jacked up supersoldiers, nothing to do with your stuff. She left us keys to the van," Daredevil replies, angling his hip so she can grab them from his pocket.

Steve twitches, staring up at Matt suspiciously. "Supersoldiers?"

"Some kind of drug, not your flavor, Captain. She's been chasing them for a couple of years and thought she recognized one of the teams on the news," he replies absently. "It's her case, I don't tag in unless she asks. Almost done, buddy."

Natasha squints in the darkness of the pit but she can't see what Matt's doing that's making Tony so quiet.

"Wiggle your fingers, make sure they work - good?"

"Yeah, Jesus," Tony hisses finally.

"All right, let's get you guys outta here," Matt says, getting to his feet and raising his face toward the opening he can't see.

"We can't - " Clint starts.

"Remember that Chinese place?" Matt cuts him off, tilting his ear toward her to wait for her nod. "Park in the alley, tell the cook that you're a friend of the Iron Fist and they'll show you the bunker, it's got medical equipment. Not much for weapons or computers, not really our thing, but you can catch your breath." He pauses, flinching at something they can't hear. "Cyborgs?"

"Life model decoys," Steve replies slowly.

A thick rope drops into the crater and Matt catches it and pulls once and it goes taut. "Hollow points seem to work, not so much with regular ammo, am I allowed to pass the robot news along?"

"If you've got someone with the firepower to take them down, hell yes - but you just said - " Cap stammers.

"I've got a team, sure, but I've got other friends that don't play well with others," Matt shrugs. She didn't know he was friends with Castle again, but - secrets are important. Secrets are everything. He's allowed to have secrets since he's one of hers.

"I don't see you wearing a comm," Tony says.

"Drop it, he's doing us a favor. Not everyone can afford shiny toys," Steve says, watching Natasha with a solid gaze. She meets his eyes and he winks. Shit.

Matt tugs on the rope again and nods. "All right, weight should be balanced enough. Group hug, everybody keep a hand on the rope and hold on."

Natasha glances up and sees a large man waving from above. "What's the plan?"

"My buddy tied a bunch of bad guys together to counter our weight - he drops it in, we get a lift to the top," Matt smiles faintly.

"Are you sure the rope will hold?" Tony asks immediately.

Clint snickers, wrapping a hand around it. "Yeah, feels like spiderweb, Stark. It'll hold."

God, Matt's so fucking competent - she doesn't need him to prove anything to her friends but God - she's glad he's fucking here.    
  


* * *

  
"No names. We see nothing, hear nothing. Stay quiet, we bring food when dinner rush is over," the cook says in battered Mandarin when they've been hurried into a back room. He points at a 'staff only' door.

"We speak English," she says after a beat and the guy relaxes.

"Oh, good - you would not believe the kind of people the Defenders send our way," the guy says. "Seriously, stay quiet and you'll be fine. WiFi password's 'baby shark' and the shower's working but you might not have hot water."

"Thank you, this is fine," Steve says, moving with Clint to help Tony hobble through the door and down the stairs.

She maps a designer couch and oversized bed in one corner and a wall of shelves filled with books in Chinese, Japanese, Arabic, and Braille but only a few in English. Regency. Huh.

"Drop me off next to that computer," Tony pants, still clutching his injured arm against his chest where Matt left it taped.

Her phone buzzes and she raises it to her ear without thinking. Everyone glares at her but she's relieved it's her burner.

_"Castle says to look in the floor, bastard hijacked the place months ago. Everyone - "_

"Thank you," she whispers.

_"I have a feeling everyone's watching you right now so I'm not going to respond to that. Do you want me to come by when - "_

"Yes. Bring burners?"

He laughs softly but she's very aware of the gunfire in the background. " _Sure, but check the floor first._ "

 

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

"Anything you want to talk about?" Clint corners her after they've all showered and patched each other up. Steve and Tony are sorting the illegal weapons they found in the hidden floor while the news feed flickers across the computer.

"My boyfriend has a night job," Natasha says, unwavering. "We don't get involved in each other's work."

"I thought you were still banging that blind guy," Clint frowns.

She inhales with purpose. "His identity has to remain a secret. He's - my business. Not yours."

Clint takes her hand. "Tash."

"We made it work three years. He almost died, like, three times and he didn't tell me - just like I don't tell him how many close calls I have. We're making it work, it _works_ , Clint."

"Nobody knows?" Tony asks softly.

"Spider-kid knows him, knew him before I did, Punk," she mutters. "And Pepper knows his real identity, not that he's the devil."

"You don't have to tell us," Steve says.

"I have permission," she admits. "In case of emergencies - Jessica almost broke my neck when I showed up at the ER for him once."

Tony nods sharply. "Trust acknowledged and returned. We don't mess with significant others - when we **know** they're significant others, Cap, don't pick a fight - we're all in together now."

Clint squeezes her hand. "I look forward to meeting him and harassing him thoroughly. Laura still has night terrors about your cold war."

"He came through for us today, Natasha, so even if you weren't dating him - he's still a guy I'd want to meet," Steve says softly.

The sound of footsteps catches their attention and a voice she doesn't know follows. " _You're not the boss of me, Murdock, I'm already off the clock - nope, do not care, this is all on your tab - hell yes, I'll meet you in ten._ "

Natasha does not recognize the lady with the metal arm that has Bucky marching in front of her, cuffed and muzzled but openly amused considering his uncovered eyes.

"Misty Knight, son of a bitch. Nice to meet you - " Clint smiles suddenly.

"Nope," she winks, cutting him off as she flicks the key on the cuffs so Bucky can remove the unlatched muzzle. "I didn't see any of you guys, but I'll take a couple of those guns to go beat up some more robots - helluva show out there." Tony watches her grab a few clips and weapons.

Bucky opens his mouth but Cap's got his arms around him in a hug. "Are you all right?"

"I really want to ask the pretty girl to arm-wrestle," Bucky pouts.

"Maybe later, you guys hang tight - I'm taking the van." Natasha feels the woman's appraising look on her way out but she actually catches a smirk of approval. Huh.

"That lady's a legend," Clint whistles. "How'd she snag you, Bucky?"

Cap finally releases him and waits eagerly for the answer.

But Bucky turns his head toward her with a wicked look. "She said she didn't think Natasha was good enough for her boy and if I wanted to prove her right, I'd come along quietly. But I _expected_ to meet aforementioned 'boy' when I got here."

She flips him the middle finger but her secret's out now. And she wants him here.

 

* * *

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

* * *

 

  
"Huh. Bruce is safe," Tony says, dipping another dumpling. "He's at a church."

Natasha curls both hands into fists and Steve glances at her. "What?"

"I promised him he wouldn't be involved in this and - now he's involved," she realizes. She hasn't met Sister Maggie yet. Now Bruce is hanging out with her secret boyfriend's mother and - shit.

The door opens and Pepper appears, dropping ten years off Tony's face and resulting in a splatter of sauce across the table in his rush to get to her.

"Hey, what a day. How does it feel to be enemies of the state?" she laughs into his hug.

"Familiar," Bucky and Steve say together.

Natasha zones in on Foggy behind her, chatting amicably with the cook. "How did you get here?" Foggy knows her and openly disapproves of her - for reasons that he refuses to define because of undefined reasons.

"Marci suggested I take a ride with her at just the right time," Pepper replies, giving her an embrace she didn't know she needed. "I apologize for objectifying your boyfriend," she adds under her breath.

"Forgiven, but Marci is a no-go," Natasha whispers. That bitch needs to stay in her lane.

Foggy rolls his eyes at her, pointing and flashing the wedding ring to remind her why Marci gets to be in all the lanes. "You are a menace. I had to cover all his cases this afternoon and the courthouse was chaos."

"Where - " she begins.

"Spider-Man accidentally zapped him with one of those, well, 'zappers', and Sister Maggie wants him to sit still for at least half an hour before she turns him loose."

Peter pops up with a fresh tray of food and gives her a guilty look. "Sorry, totally my bad."

Foggy pats him on the head. "Not totally - it's more her fault," he accuses. "You know Matt's hit or miss outside of the Kitchen and you've got him running around Manhattan - for fuck's sake, lady!"

Peter laughs brightly. " _Whatever_ , Mr. Nelson - Matt would go to _Jersey_ if it meant he got to fight robots - he usually gets mobsters or ninjas, you know? He's having a blast."

"Shut up, kid," Foggy growls but plasters a friendly face on as he greets the others. "We're working on safehouses around town for you tonight so can we pretend we've never met tomorrow, all right?"

"Your robot doppelgangers have all been taken out, conveniently on camera - but you're still wanted for questioning," Pepper says. She squeezes her arm to reassure her. "Your lawyer's being careful."

"As soon as Daredevil gave the all clear to kill robots, it was like vigilante Christmas," Foggy sighs. "I don't know what Jessica was messing with, but I haven't gotten the call for a lawyer yet. Maybe you can feel that out if you see her at Matty's later?"

She blinks at him. Her safehouse. "Sure."

Peter's waffling under Tony and Clint's attention. "He always helps me out if I'm outnumbered or I have swords, but he really doesn't like leaving Hell's Kitchen. He's been working on it with Jess - he just needs someone on the ground to play tether and I'm usually up high."

"He's not - " Natasha needs to stop the questions but Clint gives her a look and she bites back her words.

"Like I said," Steve steps in her way. "Even if you weren't dating him - for years apparently - we'd still want to talk to him. Pepper, come, sit, tell me everything you know."

 

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 6

  
"Natasha's already been well-warned but it won't hurt to spread it around," Foggy says. "If she breaks my best friend - I'm suing everyone in this room for damages - and I'm a very good lawyer."

"At least you got to meet her, she's been hiding her boy-toy from us," Clint fires back.

Natasha doesn't meet anyone's eyes but she sees Foggy grinning triumphantly. "Matt's not allowed to lie to me."

"He walked in on us, bastard has a key," Natasha admits.

"You have to be nice to me," Foggy states.

She sticks out her tongue and appreciates his sputter of protest.

"Foggy, we talked about this," Matt's voice rumbles and she deflates with relief and has to cover it up under her asshole teammates' attention. He's standing at the base of the stairs in his black pajamas but she checked the the armor in it herself and hopes he's not too banged up underneath. "Stop antagonizing Natasha."

Foggy makes a face and flips her off. "Whatever. I've given my warning, you're on your own now, Buddy," he says, chuckling to himself at Matt's shocked expression.

He's her secret, her responsibility. Shit. He's hers. She sighs, he tilts his head and she takes his hand. "Hey."

"Hey. Everything steady?" he asks, waiting for her to tuck her hand over the love-bite from this morning before sliding his arms around her.

"Foggy's being mean to me," she whispers.

"So, normal then?" he smiles, stubble rough against her cheek.

She kisses him, tastes mint and salt and home, and hums into his mouth. He knows what she means. She pulls back and turns to face the team. "Everyone, this is Matt."

Foggy rolls his eyes a final time and passes Matt a comb and set of red shades. "Call me later, don't forget how many favors you owe me."

"I'll check the tally first thing tomorrow," Matt nods.

Clint gasps dramatically when Matt tugs off the mask and slides on his glasses. "I knew it! Blind lawyer - suck it, Bucky."

Tony whistles. "Okay, also a very good lawyer like the other one - no wonder you had the balls to take down Fisk."

"Thanks for sharing the robots today, I think everyone had fun," Matt says, slipping his thumb into her belt loop to keep her at his side. "I could have done without the zappers, though."

She dares a kiss on his cheek that makes him smile again. "Poor thing. I'll make it up to you."

"Stop being cute, we need to interrogate," Tony calls over.

"We're in his bunker, that can wait until we're not wanted fugitives," Steve whispers.

"I agree with the Captain," Matt grins. "If you make it through the week without getting arrested, maybe we'll invite you out for dinner."

"Maybe," Natasha concedes.

"I'm bringing the wife into town for this," Clint says.

Bucky thrums his fingers on the table. "Better call Sam and the twins, too - this is all hands on deck."

"He's talking about the arm-wrestling challenge, not the date," Steve says quickly.

Matt murmurs from the corner of his mouth. "He knows I can tell he's lying, right?"

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Sunday! 
> 
>  
> 
> Lyric tag belongs to Matt Maeson.


End file.
